"In film and on TV, chocolate is, more often than not, a symbol for sex. And I’m not just referring to those old Flake adverts. I’m talking about confectionary as a metaphore, a symbol, for sin, for hidden knowledge, the taboo." Sweet Tooth: Sex, Cinema, and Chocolate...

HOW DARE YOU ASSUME I'M VANILLA / IDLE SPECULATION ON SUBJECTS THAT DON’T CONCERN ME

Plum's post got me thinking. As a hetero male, it's fair to say that I've learned to treasure my non-vanilla status. Because like most well-rounded adults, if I'm honest, my sexuality simply won't be summed up by 'straight guy'. I'm an unhealthy mix of scrawny, spite-filled, over-educated working class hetero, with Fourth Way pretensions, and a healthy undercurrent of 'girly'.

I have what has been semi-jokingly termed a 'husband' or a 'Terry', in the 50's middle class England sense of the word [do almost everything together, separate beds, no sex thank you], and I also have a similar situation with a 'wife' or a 'June'.

But feigning sexual diversity is a terrible cliché, and something that seems to come 'in vogue' with the counterculture of every-other generation.

If I had a pound for every time someone confided in me that they feel like 'a lesbian in a man's body' / 'a gay man in a woman's body', I'd have at least eight pounds. And that's too much. Because it's never anything other than painful to watch the appropriation of 'gayness'.

Maybe I'm just jaded. Maybe it's the way that certain sickeningly homophobic / xenophobic elements of the media seem obsessed with 'anal' and 'a bit of Lezzie action.' All harmless fun, I don't think. It's called recuperation and it's theft.

In the way that any counterculture can essentially be 'stolen', sanitized, de-politicized, and sold back to 'the kids' as 'culture', 'fashion', 'style', even sexuality isn't sacred.

Which gets me to my real point: gay styles [stereotypes?] seem to be in, in the same way that during the mid 90's and the late 60's / early 70's, it was cool to pretend to be gay, or at least bi, it seems like gay styles are increasingly being 'recuperated' by the world of the 'straight'.

For the girls, butch / tomboy is in. Cropped hair, crap trainers, baggies. For the guys, dandy / camp is well in. Golfing caps set at ‘jaunty’ angles, silk shirts, peddle-pushers, a ton of jewelry, foundation, hipsters.

In vanilla meat racks [or 'night clubs' as they are referred to on 'the streets'] the nation over, the site of two hetero girls 'Lesin' it Up' on the dance floor / tables has become painfully familiar - to the extent that I wonder if the 'straight lads' in the 'audience' even find it a turn on anymore?

Appropriation / recuperation is possibly the most subversive weapon in the arsenal of consumer culture.

Maybe it helps certain minorities when their culture is appropriated by the mainstream, but maybe not. There's nothing very cool about white, towny, quasi B-Boys. There was nothing terribly exciting about the vaguely offensive 'cod reggae' produced by mainstream rock bands in the late 1970's. There’s nothing exciting about buying fake Grunge / Skate Punk / Goth / Urban / Metal gear in Top Shop.

There's nothing cool about Tattoo [despite the fact that you can hear them in every kind of venue from highstreet bar to backstreet alt. dive] – it's more reminiscent of Paedo Pop acts like Britney Spiers than gay activism. It's titillation. It's novelty. It's cute. It's a big turn-on for the [male] hetero market. I’m sure to some it seems like strength on the surface, it seems like 'girl power' - but it's manipulation, it's image consultancy. Tattoo are merely the latest puppets in an endless stream of marketing stratagem.

But why should I care?

More often than not, in my more sprightly days I was 'mistaken' for a gay guy, and on more than one occasion a gay girl. In a way I should have been flattered, if moved at all. I certainly wasn't offended. But the people 'paying me the compliment' usually did so with fists and projectiles. So I guess it's a double edged sword, to say the least. Long live Zee I say [until that becomes a cliché too - but when I think about it, I'd rather have a load of quasi-Zee's hanging around than a load of Furries].

I just don't see why anyone should want to validate their 'un-vanilla' status [or any sexuality] by resorting to cliché.

Look, I know on the surface it just seems like I'm having a laugh here, but I am serious about the recuperation angle.

Every C list celebrity in the UK has to talk about flirtations with bisexuality to get a headline, and that's really nothing new. Is it harmless? Are they aiding the cause or are they just making it harder to take seriously? Is there strength and subversion in Tattoo's cuteness, or are they being subverted, weakened?

Zeeness makes a lot of sense to me. It keeps the right kind of people guessing, and it's very freeing for the rest of us. Biologically speaking, gender has never been as cut and dry as the system would like it to be.

"Going on Holiday as a Coeliac."

Rollo [currently pissing people off when I try to be diplomatic]