Everything always happens at once.

Or rather, lots of things are suddenly happening all at once, to me. Broken computers, fixed computers, music becoming both delicious and compromising, money spent before the ink is dry, days flying by, being kept busy, getting all my hair cut off just at the point when it was looking interesting {and entirely 'unmanageable'}, possibilities for change. Lots of things I won't go into detail about for fear of jinxing them.

I always say 'anything that can go wrong will, to ME.' But 'nothing will happen to me for a long time, then everything that can happen will happen, all at once' is also true.

"When it was time for the baby to come out, in turned out that there was no where down there for it to come out of, so it came out through my nipples..."

My new neighbours, bless 'em, are currently in the habit of playing the same few Deacon Blue songs over-and-over, at inexplicably loud volume, the kind of noise levels that you feel as well as hear, until 3 am. They also have a friend who has a dog, who likes to bark along to said Deacon Blue songs, until 3 am. Totally over-tired anyway right now. And I mention this for the irony rather than to bitch, but the odd thing is, one night last week said neighbours banged on my wall at about 10pm, presumably with reference to the volume of the {unplugged!} electric guitar I was strumming.

You have to laugh, while eating breakfast, at 3 am, while being forced to listen to Deacon Blue, with dog-howl harmonies, and the voices of people who can only communicate through the ancient art of 'shouting'. Tempted to turn my system on just after they've switched theirs off, or at around 9am. But which one would have been funnier? Probably an idea best kept to theory, or daydreams either way.

This place used to be so quiet - too quiet really. After living in Kemp Town {Brighton's boho / alcho / homo / dirty weekender district} for a year you almost start to miss the sound of breaking glass and cries of "Help! Help! I've got no face!" at five am.

Paper DVDs?

"A paper disc that can hold up to five times more data than current DVDs has been developed by Sony and another Japanese company" news.bbc.co.uk {via www.baseboard.net}

Rollo Kim

I'm invited to a special reception for some visitors from another planet. I'm sat next to David Bowie. I'm eating spaghetti bolognese.

Later, I'll be found wading aimlessly in a near-by river and I'll have to feign some kind of psychotic attack, but right now I'm quite happy filling my face with free food and wine, grinning across the table at a bemused Louis Theroux, slagging everything off in his own quasi-naive way.

Although the reception is taking place in England, the American Government threatened us all with prison unless we let them handle things, on the grounds that they've "made loads more films about this sort of thing than anybody else." A compromise was reached when the US agreed to let the UK handle the guest list.

And so the tables are populated by all manner of utterly inappropriate guests: people like Robin Williams {wearing his 'Mork' outfit}, E.T., the robots from Star Wars, and my neighbour, the crumpled looking David Bowie, who is now well into his 80's and resembles a kind of camp William Burroughs in high heels and blue eye-shadow.

Everything gets quiet, in that nightmarish kind of way. I can hear the blood pumping through my head as the guests of honour arrive, moving with a fluid gate totally at odds with their physical appearance, which bares an unsettling resemblance to six-feet tall piles of spaghetti bolognese.

Rollo Kim

Presenting, The Nu Wave of Northern Existential Ironic White Trash Electro: The Return of Glitch & Milk.

Plus, a sneak preview of 'Breast Reduction Records.'

In other news: Attention Deficit Disorder linked to watching T.V.

Watching BBC's IF. "It's 2020 and and one-in-three people are Unattractive..."

Rollo Kim

Increasingly it seems that the lives of people I care about are falling apart.

I can't take my own self-doubt seriously because everyone I know is experiencing some form of crisis - either mentally, emotionally or physically bruised and battered by the world around them.

We are told that 'your own problems always seem greater than anyone elses' - but THEIR troubles seem far more complicated and scary than mine.

Recently, my brother narrowly avoided a prison sentence, and is now serving community service, and feeling emotionally, physically and mentally bruised as a result of it all.

S.V. Hood seems to have been going through some troubles recently, Paul Frayletee too.

It feels like they're all at war, in the trenches.

Personally, I'm continually finding every creative effort thwarted by malfunctioning technology, to the extent that I've begun to see that money {or the lack of} or physical effort won't solve the problems. So the cause of all these troubles must be on a mental or emotional level.

On all levels I feel like I'm simply going through the motions, treading water with no idea in which direction dry land lies.

Physically I feel drained - but not uncomfortably so. I seem to use up a day's worth of energy in a few hours. Like many people around me, in my own way I'm not pacing myself.

The nervous energy that defined my teenage years has finally been tamed {or exhausted}, but I still need to find a balance.

People can burn out on all levels - emotional, physical, mental. Athletes and media types can't compete when they hit their thirties {and that's the value of competition for you}, {less} commercial musicians and artists seem to peak much later, writers and crafts people can burn out at any time, or go on indefinitely. {What about emergency service workers? Actors? Advertising workers? Mental Health workers? Prostitutes, Performance Artists and Porn Stars?}

Emotionally I feel numb - but I'm dealing with that, or it's not a problem at the moment, mentally I feel I have a very long way to go - but I'm beginning to see my own limitations, I'm beginning to see the potentials... the things I can do to develop myself on that level - by paying attention and FACING my weaknesses.

So I have a long way to go on all levels. Mentally I need to pace myself, emotionally I simply need to allow myself to experience more, mentally I need to FOCUS.

We're only one step ahead when we're on the outside.


Rollo Kim

"P-Orridge and his wife are engaging in a project in which they are turning into the same person through surgery and hormone treatments. They celebrated Valentine's Day by getting matching breast implants." ReTG.

In the dream, I'm in my teens and I'm back at home, and I've become mentally traumatized by my belief that I am being visited by 'aliens' in the night. I'm covered in intricate little scars and what look like Biro'd equations, and I'm very, very thin. Possibly I am anorexic. I become embroiled in all manner of disturbing events that really didn't happen.

"...my 'researches' lead me to understand more and more that what was venerated before 'history' reared its head was in fact intangible in modern terms." The beautiful Hafler Trio blog.

I consider the over-privalliged cheekbones of passers-by. I consider the caucasian face, how its features are just all over the place.

{Slightly inappropriate} example of objective suffering: James Bond is strapped to the operating table with a lazer beam about to slice him in two from groin to scalp... suffering this brief indignity affords him the opportunity to listen to the bad guy divulge his plans for world domination.

Rollo Kim